i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
