i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
