she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
