you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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