I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
