so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
