I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
