So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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