i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
