Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
