I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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