I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
