Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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