it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bring me that man meat
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
