RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I understand Curling. That high.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
