dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
