Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
