Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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