I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Randomize
