the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I believe in your delicious
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
