Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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