TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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