Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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