you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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