I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My penis needs a shock collar
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
