shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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