take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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