his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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