I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
