I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it glows. i had to have it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
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