He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
