My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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