And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
