I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
