David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
