everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
