How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
