Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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