Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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