i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
