Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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