Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
