Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
