Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
