i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
