i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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