i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
