Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We talked him into tasing himself.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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