Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
