He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
