I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
