Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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