dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
